YTuesday, February 07, 2006
Haish.. How do I begin this.. Haish..
All this while Ive been living in a love fantasy.. I always dream that this fantasy will come true.. Which it did.. But I cant express to anyone, not to the whole world.. I have to tell my closests cos they know that I have always share my deepest thoughts and probs with em.. But still nothing can solve my situation as it needs both hands to clap..
Been hiding my true feelings.. I thought I could rely on my blog, not the whole frame but at least, the minimum.. Im heavenly wrong.. Before I could actually put my mind to ease, there the gf had watched me like a hawk.. Sorry *H*, cant help it tat Im being watched in this very blog.. I mean yes its true, I keep myself updated bout them.. But not because I want to destroy them or what.. Just want to know where i really stand in this position and at least know how my future lies from there..
Well, soon enough, the gf, him and me met and talked.. For hours, still not solved.. Haish.. I just kept my true feelings.. Not worth being true to myself since I was the one who supposed to be at the losing end.. Haish.. If u really know what I mean.. Actually, I dont wanna make matter worse thus dont wanna meet the gf but when I read her posts, I got pissed off badly and so there was I meeting the eye of the beholder.. He told the gf that he dont love me and I was the one who keeps expressing my love to him.. Plus he could not avoid me and stuffs.. Seems like Im a desperado rite.. Haish.. How could anyone take it.. Can u handle such things..
I decided to say it all.. But when I met him and the gf, things changed.. Im losing.. Whatever.. I helped them but who help me.. Allah.. Tats my ans..
After sometimes, things got bad btw them.. I dunno whats their actual status.. Even *S* and I were the victims of this whole issues.. Haish.. When can I ever hear the real story.. When can I ever stop hurting someone's heart or be hurt myself.. What can I do when I have never tell lies.. Its entirely up to him now.. Hes the one who started this, only he can end this.. Well, I can end this too actually.. Just that I wont end this matter without hurting both parties, including myself.. Cos I speak da truth and da truth hurts.. So I jus wished he has neva lied to me all this while cos if he did, he will receive his retributions.. Our promises..
To my syg *A*,
Tho I trust u a lot but as a girl, we do trust our judgements.. Sometimes I feel that u are troubling urself with troubled gals like me.. Cos u see, u have the simple path to go thru in ur life but u chose to brave thru storms and weathers with me.. Even so, u are still with her.. I cant even tell who do u want in ur life.. And Im really scared, just like *H*.. Cos we both, tho have different positions in ur life, dont want to be treated like a queen at one moment and then a shit after some times.. I just hope u make up ur mind and hope that when the time comes, I will be here to respect ur decisions.. Like her, I dont want to share my property with anyone else.. But it seems that u always have back ups.. U have ur angel, u have ur gf and u have me.. The 3 of us are always here for u.. But honestly, I hope u can decide the ONE and I can tell u, no enemies made.. Just some hearts broken BUT be assured life still have to go on.. Till then, feel the wind if u miss me cos tats the wind tat gonna prove to u how much i syg u alot..
~ Smooching each other at