YThursday, February 09, 2006
"As the fingers spent its time typing this words of mine..
The sorrowful tears bottling at the verge.."
Woke up early in the morning.. Rest for 15 mins here and there and finally decided to bath at 8.15am.. Was ready by 8.30am.. Woke up my sureties..
Signing up the Training Deeds today at 11am at Prison HQ.. Was eveready for it.. While waiting for my sureties to get ready, ate cereals while surfing the net.. Smily so early in da morning..
Drizzling by the time when we reached there.. Finished my lolli upon reaching.. Saw my senior Iskandar with his sureties.. Read documents, being briefed and sign docs..
My mind is whirling after the whole signing deed ended.. Like seriously.. But all that blown away by the wind when I rushed off to my self-declared last parade in BTS.. Or rather, my last time in NCC.. For real..
Wore the uniform for the last time.. Cadets shocked upon my presence?! Discipline down the drain but fun still need to go on.. Had fun with games and serious with the Part Ds.. Tell each and everyone about what is good and bad in their dressings.. Haish.. Teachers helping me out to boost my confidence for the Prison Career.. Rebuild the confidence in the Part B boys.. Acted as the CO for dismissal parade.. *Salutation*.. Went home with the cutests, so called bro and sis..
Back to reality.. I feel like breaking down any moment.. For real.. Once I embark on this new journey, I got to sacrifice everything.. No more of the mentions.. Dance, NCC, Hockey, TVs on weekdays, offers from outside companies to work as part timers and a whole lot of me will have to be erased for BLOODY 2 YEARS.. Else I got to pay back like 20k.. Why no more of the mentions.. Simply, I must not get injured outside of trainings esp when my ankles are much fragile rite now.. Tats not the saddest part.. Training extended to 5 months due to the moving Home Team to Old CCK rd in March.. Still, its not the saddest part.. I got to read, study and learn the law chapters which is freakin thick.. Not the saddest part yet..
I just cant put my mind to ease.. I freakin dunno what to be expected and what to expect from the Basic Officer Course.. Its like a whole new thing.. I guess Im being paranoid but Im really scared if I eva gonna screwed the whole thing.. A week of Orientation.. A week of Attachment.. Before the actual training start.. I dunno wat is wrong wif me.. Maybe I just need time to chill.. Im really scared.. No kid.. Aaaarrrgghhhh.. Feel like pouring then maybe I will feel better.. Just let me cry in silence..
Trying to smile.. :)
To those whose taking 'O' Level results tmr, all the best and may u get the grades tat u all have been wishing for.. Especially to my titans.. Goodie Luck!!
My sis msged the whole family that insya'allah a new born Adam will be gifted in june this year.. According to my kak, in the 3D image, he is normal.. Plush, he is a shy baby.. Aww.. How lovely.. I hope to meet my nephew soon.. Insya'allah.. Syukur pada mu ya Allah.. Sesungguhnya kau lah maha kuasa..
Oh, my dear sistas Sarah, Hana and Dessy askin me out for dinner tmr at Cityhall, Sakura.. And the Titans wanna meet up for dinner too at Cityhall.. Man.. Im really broke.. But tats not the prob.. I just too depressed to meet anyone for I dunno wats the heaviest thing in my mind tat could possibly bring my morale and dignity down today.. But I see how.. Maybe I meet my sistas..
Ok, enuff said.. My visions kept being blurred.. Cant bring down the tears.. Bottling up feelings with unspoken words..
I need someone to talk to..
I need a shoulder to cry on..
I need to be hugged now..
Drifted slowly, with head low, morales down, faded away..
~ Smooching each other at