YSunday, November 07, 2004
To my first love Mamat..
Through our tele-conversation just now.. We were sooo happy to talk to each other.. Like it has been a long time since I heard from u.. Yalar, after ur 2 mths of NS, then u want to search for me.. Then came upon his love story.. I was dumbfounded and felt useless, a sudden quiet and very remorseful..
"....I regret dat I luvd u till 2da...." He msged me the messages tat he sent to his old flame.. And this particular statement really changed my feeling , way deep.. Don ask me why.. I was totally side track.. I mean afterall, who am I to him, rite.. I knew for long where I stand in his heart.. It doesn't matter.. But I jus dunno why he have this certain impact on my life that I am unable to get rid of.. I know he faced a lot of shits.. But honestly, I feel shitty too by quietly waiting to be wif him since secondary.. Can u imagine?! I bet u don.. Yeap, true.. Hes my first love.. But how do u expect me to forget him when hes always look for me when hes havin problems and he always trying to reach me so we could get in touch.. When hes in 'home', he will tell his friends to reach for me.. Sweet rite.. Till now, we are still in contacts..
My eyes were wet wif tears.. Afterall, he called me, I tot he felt a weeny bit for me.. Alas, I am wrong.. I AM SOOO STUPID!! How could I still be sooo NAIVE??!! FIDAH, WAKE UP LAH.. HE JUS CAME TO U TO RELEASE HIS PROBLEMS ALL THIS WHILE!!! Tak habis habis si betina tu.. But Naz, how could u do this to me.. U mislead me and now u really showed me how worthless I am.. DAMN, I'M HURT.. Hurt bcos u came to me for ur sorrowness.. U are not sensitive enuff to know wats actually evolvin ard u.. Kau tak habis habis complain pasal sideier tapi kau sayang si dier jugak aper.. Ape gunanye kau contact aku, cakap perkara ni sume.. Aku ingat kau lah lelaki di golongan yang memahami perasaan aku.. Kau pergi 'home', siaper kau cari?! Aku jugak.. Kau ader masalah, siaper kau cari?! Aku jugak.. Kau mintak tolong, siaper kau cari?! Aku jugak.. Naz, pls la.. Afterall, I don think u understand wat u wan.. Pls la.. My advise.. Get a life and forget bout her.. U complain bout her and yet u wan to be wif her back.. Bullshit ah.. Jus stop it la.. Nvm la, forget it..
~ Smooching each other at